![]() ![]() I don't just want a partner who thinks my body is attractive as long as there aren't any feminine things on it. ![]() It sort of feels like they are mutually exclusive enterprises. "I feel like I have to make the decision between expressing my gender in a way that feels good, or getting fucked. "Where I am right now, I'm still in a years' long dry spell," Tobia acknowledges to The Advocate. In a world that both desexualizes and hypersexualizes trans-feminine people and treats us like street garbage, I am desperate to find companionship and touch." I can pretend it's altruistic, but really I'm just trying to get some fucking dick!"Ī year ago, Tobia wrote a piece for Them about dating while nonbinary, admitting "my dry spells are calculated not in days or weeks or months, but in years. And I really want to work on that from a place of profound selfishness. Because culturally, we make no space for bi or pan men. Tobia argues that spotlighting the existence of this attraction is not only important to their own "liberation as a full human being," but is also "profoundly intertwined with the liberation of bi and pansexual guys. But the culture we live in makes it so shameful to name that desire - people instead express that by violence." Across spectrums of trans bodies, there are people who think that we're really, really gorgeous. From trans women who have fully transitioned to trans women who have had top surgery but not bottom surgery to gender nonconforming men like me who haven't had any surgery, who are super hairy, who have very male bodies but have feminine gender presentations and to sleek androgynous nonbinary trans men who maybe have less body hair and more androgynous features but haven't necessarily had any medical transitions. Trans people are deeply and profoundly desired across all spectrums of bodies. ![]() "There's a reason why trans porn is such a huge category. They can just be the other 25 percent - which is turned on." Tobia laughs, but is actually quite serious. "If we can all acknowledge our trauma and our pain, and if cis men come to the table and name their trauma, we can work through it together and then they don't have to be jealous anymore. Within this understanding, Tobia sees hope. ![]()
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